yeah, it took me like a one whole long sem to realize what was wrong with me.
Because I failed the semester. yep.
Maybe it was the stress of other laborious subjects in that semester, but it was enough to made me lose my confidence in my artwork and enough to fail me. It kinda hit me hard when my lecturer said to me "Haven't seen you in a while," in class when I finally forced myself to come to the class.
The first encounter the same lecturer is that of all the other things that lecturer always half-encourage half-reprimand us is too "how to be human"
As of today, I maybe understand a part of what he really meant at that time. And the way the encouragements keeps giving to me without me realizing it because I was too engrossed with my art's imperfections (EXTREMELY TIME-CONSUMING, AND IM JUST LAST MINUTING EVERYTIME, that includes real life situations too dammit-!) that I've failed to realized of what he was trying to prove.
And the outcome to this?
Yes, I have to repeat. It's fine. Perhaps I needed a rest. Perhaps all I needed was another holiday. Or maybe I just need to change my mind. Even my short sem lecturer is so nice that even if she was merely teaching Chinese Mandarin class that I happened to enrolled because the Japanese class is full, she told her students that we are not right to judge ourselves, and to accept our imperfections and love ourselves.
and also, I opened a booth with some of my friends! Although we didn't sell much, but thankfully, it was a good experience. I met someone who's kinda disciplined and I asked him how did he motivate himself in his studies and y'know what he said? Things like motivation and positive-thinking are just lies.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's discouraging me. It's just that he meant that if we just keep our dreams to only daydreams and sleep with it, we won't achieve anything. Because WE are not the one to SPARED AN OUNCE OF EFFORT to even work on it.
Although I may not get better grades for this short semester, I hope I can do better than before ><
And last but not least, I like to thank Allah and to these wonderful people and to my friends, family for never giving up on me.